she get it from her momma :)

So, I'm writing this in response to some weird occurences that made me reflect on myself and life in general in the past couple of weeks. I have to start by saying, I have the most loving mother in the world. She's not perfect, of course, but when it comes to loving people and showing her love for people, man...does she do it. My momma makes cookies for everyone all the freaking time. She cooks for people, watches kids, and is always just that person that you can call when you need something done, and she never expects anything in return. My momma loves people, its awesome. You can tell that God put that love in her heart. But the coolest thing is, I realized that she taught me to love people. Of course there are other people in my life that taught me that... but my mom is pretty high on that list. I have all kinds of faults, i suck in many ways, but God has put made me really love people, and I'm so blessed to have a mother that showed me how to love people. I mess up at it so often but knowing that i at least have the background of what she taught me, I hope that i can share that love and care for people even half as well as she does. So anyways, i know this is a completely random post...but I've been thinking about that a lot...

Cool Quote

I'm reading this book called the Ragamuffin Gospel by this guy Brennan Manning who was an alcoholic. I always appreciate things recovering alcoholics and drug addicts have to say, because they typically are pretty straight up. And when you know somebody has been down that road, you know that they really can teach you a few things about life. I'd venture to say its harder to learn some of the core issues of life from somebody who has never really been broken down to the point of desperation that alcoholics so often talk about. So anyways, back to this quote....

He says "Quite simply, our deep gratitude to Jesus Chris is manifested neither in being chaste, honest, sober and respectable, nor church going, Bible toting, and Psalm singing, but in our deep and delicate respect for one another." Wow. I mean, here he goes, just calling out all of us who like to count our sins. He even pulls out the good ones--- chastity, honesty, and sobriety, and without discounting says that our real response to what Jesus did for us does not make us better people in these ways, but that we can really show it in how we treat eachother. Thats hard to hear. I treat people pretty bad sometimes. Just ask my family, my sister, my roommates, or the kids I hang out with at school. I like to think I'm nice...but i think its that "delicate respect" that really got to me. He's not just saying being cordial, Manning is telling us that if we really want to respond to Christ-- we have to treat people as He does and love them like He does. Wow...that's really just hard to swallow because I know its something I need to work on.

It amazes me how I can be reading a book and a random quote can pop out at me like this one did and totally rock my spiritual world. It's pretty awesome though.

tired

I can't remember the last time I slept in. Lately, I feel like I live my life exhausted...what's up with that? I think it makes me stressed...and there have been multiple people lately that have told me that I seemed stressed...and I hate that...I don't want to be that person that is stressed all the time.

That's why I love highschoolers, because they are not all about being stressed. I feel like all the adults I know are focused on what has to be done and the "next step" and what they can and need to be doing. But you hang out with highschoolers and they're thinking about the next fun things to do and even in the stress of living in the highschool world they still have the ability to try to make life fun. I want to be more like that, I swear these kids teach me so much more than I could ever teach them.

So, anyways, I'm tired is all I've really said right here but that really just doesn't matter. Really, what I have to say is that I'm going to really try to just look for the fun and excitement in life :).

Back to the blog

So I started this blog awhile back and apparently its the trendy thing to do because lots of people in my life (brother, friends, bro in law, more) have been blogging so I thought I'd get back on track. I probably won't be that great or update regularly or even often...but I feel like writing things out in life helps...and maybe I can get some feedback every once in a while. You'll also notice that I have only like 2 previous posts...there were a lot more than that...but when I decided that I might actually post my blog I had to delete some of them...not because they were bad or anything, but because they had some specific details about people and places and things that its not my place to advertise to the world...so thats that i guess.

To be honest, I think the whole blogging concept is kind of dorky, and I'm pretty certain any of the kids of mine that for some reason happen to read this will tell me that (go ahead, I'm ready for it!). I mean, the kids make fun of me all the time...today they told me i need to wear my backpack different....I mean, really, so now I'm back to worrying about if I look like a dork wearing my backpack...gotta love highschool! Whats funny is I really remember that being a huge deal to me, I just to have a piece of tape to show where exactly i needed to let the shoulder straps to so i would have it the "right" length to be cool. but now I'm just an uber dork so its all good.

Anyways, this blog is called More Than Sparrows...I don't know if i explained that in a previous post...but thats the name me and my sister always talked about calling our band when we made it...we never made the band, but the name has stuck with me in life. It refers to in the bible where Jesus is sending out the 12 disciples and he tells them how God takes care of the birds of the air and that they are sold like 2 for a penny and that as individuals we are worth so much more than that to God and if he takes care of them then surely he must be caring for us. I just think thats so cool....and I forget that whole concept way too much...that God loves me and values me. I think its so easy to get caught up in the crap of life--- work, friends, sports, activities, whatever--- and we forget that no matter what, we mean that much too Him. I work so hard to feel needed and valued--- at work, even with my kids, and what I miss is that God values me, not what I do...there is nothing I can do or can't do to earn it....he just has that value in me no matter what. That's pretty crazy.

Testimony Practice

So, I meet with FPD's Personnell committee Thursday and I'm a little nervous. I feel like there are going to be some things that they will ask me that I need to be prepared for. I feel like they are definitely going to ask me for my testimony, so I'm using this blog to help me organize that:

I grew up in the church. In fact, most of my earliest memories are from church. I have believed in God for as long as I can remember. I would even say that I probably prayed the prayer quite a few times in my elementary days and was very active in church. Its hard for me to give an actual conversion date, because it was something that I came to understand more and more as I matured. One of the first times I really dedicated my life to Christ was on my first real retreat, I was in the 6th grade and it was at Panama City Beach with my brother's youth group. I always really admired my brother, and hearing him talk about the importance of his personal relationship encouraged me to really make my relationship with Jesus personal. From there I continued to be a pretty good church kid that was fairly certain of "right" and "wrong" and a lot of my spiritual life was based on doing what was right. One of the first time that my faith was really tested was in the 8th or 9th grade. Around that time is when I learned of my sister's activities. As a high schooler my sister was really rebellious, drinking and experimenting in other ways. Its important to understand that my sister was and still is my favorite person in the world, I have always looked up to her and she's my best friend. So, when I learned that my sister was doing these things that I knew were wrong, it was hard for me, because to me, she was doing what bad people do. What I realized was that my sister didn't need me to tell her that she was doing wrong, but she needed me to love her, just like Jesus did. The situation with my sister showed me the importance of being a Christian is much more about love and grace than it is about "right" or "wrong". Another key time of spiritual growth for me was my junior year of high school when I started working with the Children's ministry at my church. The children's minister really gave me a lot of opportunities to mentor and share with the kids, an it showed me the importance of having an authentic, personal faith. That idea has continued for me now as I'm working with YoungLife. It can be hard to be a real Christian mentor to the highschoolers that I work with-- but I can only do it because God does it through me. I know that I am not worthy to be telling people about Jesus and sometimes I'm not that great of a speaker and sometimes I probably don't even make sense to the kids, but I have faith that God uses me. Just the other night, God showed me again the importance of really being in the Word and knowing His word especially when working with students because I had a situation where I was talking to a girl about temptation, and I immediately went home and looked up some things about temptation in the Bible because I know its not my ideas that God wants, but He wants me to share His Word. So, I'd have to say my Christian journey is just that-- a journey, something that I continue on everyday, working to grow closer and closer to Jesus.

Following the trend...

So apparently my friends have started blogging. I didn't realize it-- but Jessica and Sarah both have one. I'm kinda jealous that they started it first, because now it just looks like I want to be like them. But here's the catch-- for now, I'm leaving it private, so only I can read it. So, it's kinda like I'm journaling, but on the internet I guess. I like it better. I'm going to start this for some of my thoughts, but also for help in my quiet times. Maybe if I do some Bible reading and then write about it, I can be better about it all-- and even go back and see what I've learned.

In a minute I'mgoing to talk about church this morning, but first I want to talk about the beatiful weather. It's really nice out, just a little windy but the sun is shining. I'm not good with temperatures but its definitely high for February but I'm so okay with that. I just got in my car and drove around like I used to in high school--- driving fast with my windows down and my music loud. It's good to know I can still feel like that-- just like nothing can touch me because I own the road. That may sound dumb, but these days, when I feel like I can't make anything work right, that's a good feeling to have.

I should be cleaning right now. My apartment is an absolute mess, I just did the dishes, but really, there are clothes everywhere. My heart is so anxious because I'm still waiting to hear from FPD if i get another interview there. I was offered a job at The Landings Golf Club in Warner Robins, I'd be their Marketing and Membership Sales Rep. I think I could be good at it, but I kinda feel like my heart should be at FPD but I guess that is only if they think that. Whatever, time will tell I guess, I only have a couple days to figure it out.


Well, I really should get to cleaning, etc...but I have enjoyed this first secret blogging experience.